I don’t understand it, but I forgive

I thought it would be just like any other evening, but it wasn’t. After some insistent invitations, I gave up my swimming course, and decided to join a meeting of a group of families that live the spirituality of unity. I went home happy and deeply touched: I had found something great to live for. I could hardly wait to tell my husband all about it. I found him sleeping but I woke him up; he did not take me too seriously, however.

At first, I only thought of how those meetings could help J. change certain negative traits of his personality, but very soon I understood that I was the one who had to change. I began by forgiving certain things that happened in the past which I was never able to forget. Then I tried to be more tolerant, to have more love for everybody, and to make the first step in loving, without expecting anything in return.

My family saw how much I changed, and after some time, J. agreed to attend the meetings with me. I watched as he absorbed the atmosphere of brotherhood that there was, until he became an active member and put himself at everyone’s service. My husband also decided to bring our children to the meetings. He was also ready to put his minivan at the disposal of those in our neighborhood who would have liked to attend the meetings, and so help them save transport money. But he was not able to do these things because after a few days, not only did he lose his job, but his very life was threatened. Some time later, he was summoned to appear in his former office. He knew it was extremely dangerous, but he decided to go. At that appointment, he met his death.

It was a heavy blow for me, but I felt that God had almost been preparing my husband and me for what was going to happen. I prayed that this suffering would not just pass but that I could offer it so that the person who had done us so much harm might repent.

I don’t understand why this happened to us; however, anger and revenge have not entrapped me. I tried to do all I could so that my children – 12- and 9-year-olds – would overcome their anger and be able to forgive. Jesus’ words on pardon and on love for one’s enemies are my source of strength day by day.

An acquaintance of ours knew who was to blame, and he hinted that if I wanted to, I could obtain revenge. “No!” I answered. “I leave him to God’s justice. We are all His children and this person needs time to repent.”

J. had experienced God’s love for us. I had this sentence inscribed on his tomb: “Tell this to everyone: God loves you immensely.”

(B.L. – Colombia)

Translated from L’amore vince. Trenta storie vere raccontate dai protagonisti,” Published by Città Nuova