Sickness: a limitation transformed into richness

“When I left my home for the bank I was working at 21 years ago, I certainly wasn’t thinking that I wouldn’t return home that night. A strong headache forced my colleagues to take me to hospital. I was 49 years old with a well-established professional career, an upcoming promotion, a beautiful family with three daughters between 14 and 18. Suddenly and unexpectedly I found myself in a wheelchair that I was unable to control because, along with the use of my legs, I had also lost the use of my arms. I had been turned into nothing: I needed help eating, bathing and dressing. . . I was totally dependent on others. I was feeling desperate and anxious, feelings that I tried to reject because I knew they weren’t the solution. From when I embraced the spirituality of the Focolare, I have learned to be totally disposed to God’s will, and even though I didn’t understand the reason for this nightmare, my wife and I wanted to believe that it too was God’s love for me, for us. My daughters also shared in our decision and, right from the first days I found strength and patience that I never dreamed of finding. In a few months I regained the use of my legs and, with great effort and the support of a colleague who accompanied me was able to go back to work for another 7 years. Then I just couldn’t do it anymore.”

Already then, I wasn’t able to walk because of my handicap, if not just for short distances. I could no longer drive the car, take a shower alone, button my clothing, cut the food on my plate, turn on the coffee machine or embrace my wife and children. I couldn’t do any of those things that required the use of two hands. At times the fear was even bitterer. Fear of not being able go on living as a couple, fear of the solitude, of my fragility in the face of different situations, fear of the doubt about whether I would be able to continue in my role as father, and so on. Now, with much effort I continue with physiotherapy, even though I know that healing isn’t on the landscape. At least it slows the process of debilitation.

During these 21 years God has never failed to accompany me with refined faithfulness, delicateness and tenderness that only He knows how to give. Pina and I have learned to let ourselves me carried by Him, to let ourselves be surprised by His Love. And when everything seemed to crumble, or became unstable, deep in our heart we understood that this partaking – in some way – in the mystery of Jesus on the Cross, was a privilege for us. Like Him, we try to overcome the pain by loving everyone around us, experiencing what could be called a ‘divine alchemy’ wherein suffering is like a talent to be turned into love.

God took me/us by the hand and, little by little revealing his plan for us, led us into deep intimacy with Him among us, making us understand the mystery of suffering – in the light. And what could be considered a limit has been transformed into richness, what could have stopped us has been turned into a race. Not even an invasive handicap can take away the possibility of being a tool in God’s hands for our neighbor.”

Giulio Ciarrocchi