Dear God, I remember those moments when I was younger, when I used to send you letters. Those letters were bombarded with, questions that I wanted answers immediately.
I was 12 years old when I started seeing the world in a different way. I was born in a beautiful family, just like how I saw in the movies. I had a caring mom who wakes up earlier to prepare our breakfast. I had a loving dad. I had two lovely younger sisters that were always happy with the little joys of life.
And just like any story in the movies, there was a downfall. One day, I just woke up and my mom wasn’t there anymore. I remember clearly, normally Sunday is Pancake day, my dad would prepare pancakes and my mom would cook bacon and eggs. But that day I just saw my dad drinking coffee by himself. No pancakes. No bacon and eggs. No mom. He explained that she left for good. My sisters were 8 and 6 years old. I pulled them both closer to me and hugged them and whispered to the universe that I will do my very best to take care of them.
We were the talk of the town. The parents, teachers and kids were gossiping. There were so many moments I wanted to fight back to protect my sisters or simply just cry and complain to the world, to you. Why? Why us. I am too young to face this. Where are you?
And my dad, he was the best person in this world. He did not deserve this. We moved closer to our grandparents. One day at school, I was about to eat with my friends, my sisters were rushing to me and told me that our mom was there. And in my mind, I was thinking, it’s impossible. I saw my mom coming towards us. She had a huge plastic bag filled with gifts for me and my sisters. I did not know what to feel. I ignored that she was there. Why now? Why is she back? After leaving your family? You can just come back? And you expect they will receive you and forgive you with wide open arms? And now she comes back with gifts thinking she can just replace it with all the moments she was not present? NO
So I wrote to you, God, let your angels send me the message. I don’t know how, I don’t know when, but I felt in my heart you were listening to me. I remember writing to Mary as well. I told her I needed a mother. And you did answer to me. That day that I spoke with my grandmother, she helped me understand that I have to go beyond the pain my mom caused us; there is Jesus inside her. And despite all the bad things we do in life, his love for us will never change, if we fall, if we make mistakes, he will always love us immensely.
It was not easy, I had to empty my heart and let her in, little by little, we began to rebuild a relationship and now my mom is a part of my life again. The love I have for my family is so huge that there will always be space for mistakes and acceptance. I may not have the family like in the movies, but I have a story that is real, and it’s better, because you God, you directed it. You wrote it.
Life doesn’t stop there, I still have so many struggles to overcome, there are still so many challenges, but one thing is for sure, I trust in your plans for me. I might not understand right away, but I have this faith in my heart that you will be there for me no matter what. And for that, thank you.