…every day I feel “cancelled “ when colliding with the frailties of my husband and children. I brood in anger, because I feel their indifference to my reproaches. I would like to find a way to lighten this heavy atmosphere, in which we are immersed from morning to night …
Loredana, Livorno

Constant reprimands are often useless especially when faced with the inevitable fragility of those who live with us. Criticism, intolerance are easily triggered and, as a logical consequence, an emotional distance, a sense of closure, a feeling of loneliness is born. These are the typical chain situations that often characterize our relationships. Yet (try it for yourself!) there is an ingredient that could block this “heavy” atmosphere at birth: by going to the root of the ‘annoying’ fragilities of the other person, by trying to grasp their motivations, and then choose to react with tenderness. A few days ago a friend confided to us: “Tenderness does not come to me spontaneously. In my family of origin it was synonymous with weakness, of infantilism; but when I was convinced that it was the perfect oil, indispensable for relational gears, I made it my own, overcoming all prejudice. It’s true: tenderness is not synonymous with weakness, of softness, but rather with fortitude. Choosing the path of tenderness, in fact, requires courage; it needs a strong will so as not to be guided by our first negative impulses and emotions in order to enter the other person’s world with respect and gentleness. Sometimes, at the right moment, it may be necessary to orient, guide, help those around us to improve; if the words come out of our mouth without rancour and passion and without expecting a rapid change but rather instilling courage, they will not create barriers and indifference. Giovanna di Chantal writes that corrections made with tenderness are more effective; because this way expands the heart of the one who speaks and the one who listens, and creates happiness and a wish to improve (a loose translation)…
It would be nice to start our days with a serene ‘good morning’, with a reassuring tone of voice, with a new look on life! How it helps to find tenderness in a glance! There can be an indifferent look, focused only on one’s own worries, and a loving look that embraces you, makes you feel unique, that trusts and believes in you… And therefore since “how the day will go is seen from the morning (an Italian saying)”, our relational gears will turn more easily.