Sergio and Elisa’s story is woven from encounters, crises, illness, children, exhaustion and new beginnings. But above all, it is shaped by a choice that returns at every decisive moment: learning to love the other even when they are not as we would like them to be. A concrete journey, made up of small steps, which they are still walking today.
Sergio: We are Sergio and Elisa, married since July 2001, and we would like to share something of our story with you. I had always wanted to be in a relationship, but I could never seem to find the right person. Every day I would pray a Hail Mary: “You know where she is, the one meant for me; one day I will say ‘good morning’ to her.” And one morning, at six o’clock, at the motorway tollbooth, I met Elisa and said to her: “Good morning.”
Elisa: We met on the bus, and we didn’t know each other. We were leaving together to spend a week at Taizé, the prayer community in France. I immediately felt that Sergio was someone special. I liked him, he had many interests, and what struck me most was that we shared something that was fundamental to me: faith, God. Through him, I discovered a new way of living the Gospel. I had always thought of God as a judge: don’t do this; if you don’t do that, you are not…. Sergio told me: “God loves us immensely. I have discovered that God is Love.” God who is Love was entering my life.
Sergio: Our relationship began, but it was not easy. We clashed because of our different personalities and our own self-centredness, and forgiving and starting over became difficult. Arguments, disagreements and the feeling that we were not free to tell each other everything often made us wonder whether we were really right for one another. I felt that the relationship was suffocating me. I felt that Elisa was becoming too dependent on me; she was no longer the person I had first met, full of interests and actively involved with others. I no longer felt free to be myself. So I decided to leave her.
Elisa: When Sergio left me without giving me any explanation, I went to a spiritual father in tears, certain that I would find comfort. Instead, he told me: “I understand, and I am sorry for your pain, but I am glad. It is better to clarify certain things now than later.” I could not accept those words. For me, it felt as though everything was over. Little by little, however, I understood that if I truly wanted what was best for Sergio, I had to respect and accept his decision out of love. He needed that time to discern.
Sergio: After a short break, during which I spoke with friends who genuinely cared about us, we began our relationship again in a new way. I committed myself to being myself, loving Elisa honestly and telling her what I truly thought without being afraid of hurting her.
Elisa: I began to find myself again. I took back possession of my own life and started walking on my own again. I now felt able to build an equal relationship with Sergio. It was a precious time of rebuilding our relationship, a time in which we were able to grow in Love.
Sergio: This new relationship, based on a deeper knowledge, acceptance and respect for one another, and above all on sharing our innermost selves, led us, after four years of being engaged, to make the decision to marry.
Elisa: We set the wedding date for July. We began getting our home ready, and everything was moving forward with the hope that our plans would soon become reality. But in April I discovered that I had cancer: Hodgkin lymphoma in the mediastinum. The news hit us like a blow and overturned all our plans. I had always planned every moment of my life, and now I found myself asking: “Why now? Why me? Why us?”
Sergio: When I told Elisa the diagnosis, there was a moment of despair and tears. At the same time, however, we looked into each other’s eyes and, through our tears, we said yes to God’s will, even though at that moment it was not what we wanted. Elisa began treatment, and during that period our relationship took a great step forward. All the little difficulties that had previously seemed insurmountable suddenly fell into perspective. I cannot remember even one moment of anger between us. Pain made everything sacred and brought us to another level. I had no time to waste when it came to loving Elisa: tomorrow she might no longer be there.
Elisa: During that period, my relationship with God became more real and deeper. I found again, right there in the midst of suffering, the God who is Love whom I had discovered when I met Sergio. The key was to live that experience fully, discovering the cross each day, trying to live in the present moment with joy and doing well whatever I had to do at that moment. That pain now had a face: the face of Jesus Crucified, who had made my pain His own.
Sergio: During that time, besides our faith, we were greatly helped by the presence of so many people who stood by us, physically and through their prayers. After a year, we began thinking again about our wedding. We felt that it was no longer simply our own desire, but the fulfilment of a Project of Love for us. We experienced this fullness on our wedding day, surrounded by all those who were there, when we declared our love for one another. In the words of the Sacrament, we felt the Grace that was being given to us.
Elisa: After our wedding, because of my illness, the doctors had told us that perhaps we would not be able to have children. Yet once again we took the step of trusting in the One who had woven His Project of Love for our family. The arrival of Lapo, two years later, was the hundredfold. Neither the pregnancy nor the first months were easy: sleepless nights, days with no schedule, a life completely transformed. Sergio’s presence was very important to me. He helped me through those moments, trying to understand me even when I was overwhelmed by tears, fears and anxieties as a mother.
Sergio: When Lapo was six months old, we received another piece of wonderful news: we were expecting again. The thought of facing another pregnancy so soon, and everything it would involve, gave us some cause for concern.
Elisa: But at the first ultrasound came another surprise: there were twins! My reaction was not exactly joyful. I burst into tears and asked myself: “Lord, again…?” I had no idea where I would find the strength to face what lay ahead.
Sergio: I had always wanted to have twins, but once we knew, I too began asking myself: “How will our life change? Will we have to change the car, rearrange the house? How will we manage?” Above all, we had to find a new balance. Whenever I came home, Elisa would say to me: “I can’t take it anymore. I just can’t do this anymore.” I did not feel welcomed or loved.
Elisa: When Emma and Duccio were born, it was a tremendous joy, and a new adventure began, with the awareness of the great gift we had received. But between us, the tiredness was becoming increasingly evident, sometimes more than the joy of being together. We realised that the children were making us focus increasingly on them, with the risk of drifting apart as a couple. I felt that Sergio only had demands, and I did not feel understood. I strongly needed to find a balance between being a wife and being a mother.
Sergio: After talking it over together, although Elisa initially had some reservations, we decided to take a few days’ holiday just for ourselves, so that we could rebuild our relationship beyond our role as parents. Leaving the children behind was difficult every time. But today we experience it differently, and we see the good it brings to our family.
Elisa: Five years later, Sara was born. We now feel that we are still on a journey, also thanks to the help of the other families who walk alongside us. We could never have made it without this sharing and mutual support. It helps us enormously not to close in on ourselves, but to open up to others and give our time, including to marriage preparation courses. There, we receive so much Love in return.
Sergio: Looking back and rereading our story, we realise that even in the hardest moments there was a Project of Love for our family. At the time, it was invisible to us. There were not only difficult moments, but also the joy and beauty of discovering that living through difficulties with love has helped us grow as a couple and build our family.
Elisa: We can testify that Love conquers all!
(S. and E. – Italy)
