“The history of a family is marked by all types of crises which are also a part of its dramatic beauty.” In this statement Pope Francis (AL 232), also underlines how every crisis that has been overcome leads to a new ‘yes’ of love, that is born again reinforced, transfigured, more mature and enlightened”.
Yet the crisis, even though normal in the history of a couple, is marked by a heavy load of pain and anguish that “must not be ignored and requires adequate, understanding, close, realistic, incarnated attention”. (AL 232). An example is the story of Antonio and Luisa*, who have been married for 20 years and have two teenage children. At the beginning, they understood each other without words; they felt good together. But with the passing of time, the ups and downs began. The arrival, awaited for several years, of their first child shook up their already shaky balance. “We got to a point where we couldn’t understand each other anymore and everything was good for arguing. I began to feel alone,” says Antonio, “I stayed overtime at work to delay going home, keeping to myself more and more”.
“I saw that Antonio felt bad,” explains Luisa, but the only thing I could do was to wait for things to change. We were two strangers, full of anger and solitude, no more able to run our life together. The situation at home was so tense that the only possible solution was a separation.”

In that dark period “we would have wanted our relationship to change, but left to ourselves we couldn’t do it, we would always repeat the same mistakes, resentment and arguments”, she says. “When I heard about the week at Loppiano (near Florence, Italy), a light reignited in me, a new hope to be able to do something to heal our relationship.”

It is in this way that Antonio and Luisa live the experience proposed by New Families, called Traces of Light, offered to couples who are looking for help in order to be able to come out of the crisis they are in.

The course is held at Loppiano, in the international citadel of the Focolare near Florence, an initiative that started eight years ago. During the days of the course, “it wasn’t easy to search within ourselves and face up to our difficulties and we risked going back home at once”, Antonio and Luisa say. “But we believed and we showed ourselves to each other the way we really are.” This year Traces of Light took place from the 18th to the 25th of June and Antonio and Luisa participated bringing their witness and contribution: “We met not only family specialists, but a family of families that loved us. It was the first step : finding out that we weren’t alone. And this helped us once at home too, because it isn’t easy to start over again and once in a while we still fall…as we all know the Mulino Bianco family (television ad) exists only on television!”

“It’s the strong presence of love circulating among us that helps to live a deep experience and a new-found serenity together with the couples of experts and other couples who, having taken the course in previous years and being grateful for the gift they received and of the new-found reconciliation, have decided to be available”, explain Francesco and Adriana Scariolo of the international bureau of New Families. “The characteristic of the course is really reciprocal love, so first of all everyone fully participates: the experts, the couples who are group leaders and the first-time participants, each one offering his own experience and how he tries to overcome the difficulties involved.” Various subjects were dealt with during the course: from self-knowledge, to diversity, to conflict, and to mutual acceptance, with fete-a-tete moments, others of dialog, practical exercises of communication, on the woman-man difference, on sexuality and forgiveness. All the subjects are accompanied by the sharing of experiences concerning our emotions and by witnesses on the conflicts we had and we overcame, alternating with relaxing moments together. “This week has been for many of us”, say some participants “as turning the light on again and finding the desire again to do our part to recreate the harmony of our relationship.” Everybody expressed the beauty and the joy of finding new brothers and sisters: “ A couple alone can’t overcome certain challenges”.

“Couples need to give a name to the difficulties they are going through.” Adds Rino Ventriglia, psychotherapist. “In order to look at and to solve problems we offer a support both spiritual and psychological. We have seen that with these two approaches people manage to overcome wounds that they have had for years.”

They are wounds to which “ we try to give the right value, with the golden glue technique (Kintsugi) that gives the vase its proper value”, goes on his wife Rita, sexuality expert, and with the becoming-one technique, which enables you to fully understand the other. “We all have the same experience and we give everybody the hope that they can make it, trying to accompany them with determination and clarity even when they go back home to their daily life.”

* Not their real names