We have always been committed to our Christian life, both individually and as a couple.

In 2005, our family learned of a very painful event that had happened a few years earlier: the sexual abuse of one of my younger sisters by my husband‘s father. This fact had a strong impact on all of us and caused great pain. Although we felt that legal action should be taken, nothing was done. As time went on, this situation began to affect me more than I could have imagined, so much so that I poured all the anger, pain and guilt against my husband, which seemed illogical, but the anger and hatred only increased and I only saw his mistakes.

It was such an intimate topic that I didn‘t dare share it with other families, time passed and our relationship deteriorated; I felt so much hatred that being with him made me feel uncomfortable, I didn‘t want to be close to him and I started to move away. After about a year we separated. That period was very hard, it was not easy to understand that what we were experiencing was God‘s will. Everything was falling apart, the most important things in our lives were collapsing. With the help of a psychologist, my husband understood that, at that moment, the greatest act of love was to let go and, with great pain, he told me that he would not oppose my decision.
Despite the separation, the relationship with our three children has never been affected, however I hit rock bottom, I didn‘t want to leave, I just felt the need to be alone, I didn‘t recognize myself, I wasn‘t able to forgive or simply communicate what I was going through…

Sometimes, I felt like I was dying. Almost four years have passed. I missed the feeling of peace, of happiness so much, that I started looking for it in work and study, but it never came.
During this time, the most important thing for me was to follow the development and growth of the children. We spent as much time as possible together and our relationship gained in quality, but something was always missing, there was always a goodbye.

One day, one of our children told me that while they were filled with joy when they could share a moment of happiness with their dad, they were also saddened that they couldn‘t share it with their mom at the same time, and vice versa. In the summer of 2010, there was a strong earthquake in Chile.
Our children were on vacation with their grandparents, more than 500 kilometers from us.

After talking about it with my husband, we decided to go together to pick them up and three days we started this long and silent journey.
When we arrived, we took the kids, stayed only three hours and went home. The return journey, which normally takes six hours, took twice as long. We were together, but with mixed feelings: on the one hand we felt happy, on the other worried. We tried to maintain harmony and to convey joy so that the children could overcome their anguish.
At one point we stopped, got out of the car and started talking and laughing. I felt like I was looking at that scene from above and for a moment I felt that peace I had lost.

After the earthquake and that trip, something changed and a glimmer of hope opened up between us: a walk together, sharing a few days of vacation, small moments when we felt that we were a family.
This year, with our children already grown, with a beautiful and healthy coexistence, again the pain knocked on our door, as my sister decided to report the abuse, as part of the therapy she is following to somehow repair the damage suffered. In our house the wound has reopened, however, as a family, we are accompanying her in her decision.

We talked to our children and, with the strength of family unity, we shared with them what was happening. It was a very strong and sacred moment.
We understood that the way to take care of them would be to talk and ask for help together.
So, we are following family therapy.
Each session is an opportunity to discover how each of us suffers from this situation and that we can better accompany our children and give each other help both as a couple and individually.
We are going through a moment of pain, but feeling accompanied as a family, and by the other families with whom we share our Christian experience, supports us and allows us to continue to love.

(Source: From Family in Action – Città Nuova – 2022)

We suggest a short exercise for you to do on your own or as a couple
(or with your family, if possible):

• Has there been a difficult time or a crisis that has left a lasting impression on you?
• Was there a small ray of hope amidst the difficulty?
• What is one small thing you can do this week to look after your family?
  <i>(e.g. a moment of conversation, a walk together, asking for help…)</i>

Photo Viarami Pixabay