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Widowhood: a bond between Earth and Heaven

 
There is an aspect of marriage defined by Jesus in the sense that Jesus said of marriage, “What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.” Sometimes it is not man who separates, it is God who separates, because he calls either the bridegroom or the bride to heaven. It is some divine thing like, let the word pass, a little Trinity that splits. Here then is the state of widowhood, male, female. Here is the widow who remains as if broken in half; here is the figure of the one who says, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”, in that the unity is broken by God's will. (The Founding Speech of the New Families Movement - Chiara Lubich)

I have been alone now for about two years: a form of leukaemia carried my husband Piero away in only three months.

I carry those three intense months in my heart, moment after moment with very vivid memories that sometimes hurt and tear me apart, but other times contribute to making Piero alive, as if he were next to me in an almost tangible way.

Life and God gifted me Gianpiero, he loved me very much, making me capable of truly loving because affection and feelings were not expressed in my family of origin …

Our life as a couple (39 years of marriage and 6 of being engaged) was not easy as we often argued and thanks to the interference of my family we even arrived at the idea of separation. But our children, who had seen several families crumbling around us, were certain that it would not happen because as they told us, we knew how to forgive each other and start again.

Our difficulties gave Piero and I the opportunity to make our love strong and this strength manifested itself in the months of the illness in which we lived for each other, loving each other deeply even just with looks toward the end.

Our children are married, so I live alone, and it is not at all easy: I have tried to reorganize my life, my relationships, but I often feel uncomfortable even with some “female” groups, precisely because the state of widowhood does not erase a life lived in a marriage that continues in another form, but is always there!

I strongly feel that family life continues, and our children are also aware of it and find in me both father and mother; both the children and I have a real relationship with Piero with whom we share the joyful moments and difficulties of life.

The oldest son, married for ten years, had difficulty having his first child and my husband, still alive, had accompanied him and his wife on a course of treatment with great delicacy and reserve; now desiring a second child they prayed to God and to Piero to intercede for this to happen and now without treatment, they are expecting a baby next January …

The other son must move house and did not have adequate finances; he confided to me that he had a dialogue with his father who guided him to gradually dissolve the difficulties and by next summer he will be in a new house.

I better understand why widows were held in high esteem in the Bible: as a social problem certainly, but also for the value they represent because in a certain way they bind Heaven and Earth together and can be the door that opens to let God enter the reality of a family.

Piero’s death has made me a different, new person: my gaze is also his gaze on those close to me, my love is stronger and greater because it is also his …

Certainly, there is a void! There is a lack of gestures of affection, the possibility of a dialogue, to hear his voice and to see those wonderful eyes of his again … in the moments when I feel alone, I try to love those around me, with a new, concrete, welcoming love. I was a very strict and intransigent teacher, and my students asked me the reason for the great change they notice in me. I was able to speak with serenity about my widowhood; one of them, 8 years old, then wrote that death is the door that puts us in communication with Jesus.

I can say that this experience of great pain has its own beauty, especially because we have had the opportunity to live it by entrusting ourselves to God and to share it with many people and I feel that the presence of a widow/er can also be a great treasure for the life of other families.

(A. G. – Italia)