Our daughter had moved out of our house to another city after graduating from college, and just a few months later, on an ordinary day, we got a phone call from her. She was crying so much that it took a while before we could understand anything. The worst came to our mind drugs, a health problem, a serious accident.
So when we finally understood that she was telling us she was pregnant, it was almost a relief. She was okay, and although we were not expecting this news, we could deal with it. Since she was not married, we knew the road ahead would be difficult. Who was the father? How was she going to afford to raise a child? Would this pregnancy prove to be a difficult one? So many questions welled up inside and yet, almost instantaneously, we wanted her to know that we supported her. We believed in God’s love and we wanted her to experience his love through us.
I immediately went to be with her. It was a moment that I felt strengthened the bond of love between us. We took the opportunity to meet with and welcome the father and his family. We were happy to discover that they were supportive and willing to be there for our daughter.
As time went by, mixed emotions started to emerge. We questioned whether we failed in passing on our values to our children and asked ourselves how we could have done things differently in their upbringing. We had never sat them down to talk about the hard issues, but would rather take them in stride as they came up.
Our children know our faith values, but at times they would comment that they had different views. As we would comment on various situations, we came to se how they were also developing their own set of guiding values.
Sometimes we’d agree on a certain outlook, but other times they’d say things like “Well, that’s how you think”. At first, my husband and I would try to give them examples to change their viewpoints, but they always came back with other negative examples.
So while we felt it was always important to be clear about the values we upheld, we also learned with time that we needed to listen and accompany them in discovering their paths.
With our daughter and her new situation, a big joy for us was that was never any question on her part about keeping the baby. That was always certain. As for getting pregnant, we knew we couldn’t change the past and there was nothing to gain by dwelling on why it happened. This was simply a suffering to embrace and to love as we feel Jesus would love in this circumstance, and we needed to go forward trying to put love in each moment.
Our daughter and her boyfriend have chosen their way in life, so we just try to be available if they need anything. They now have a place of their own. We would like a more committed relationship through marriage, but we want it to be because they feel it’s something they want and are not forced into.
So we just entrust them to God and continue to pray for them believing in God’s love for them.
(A. and M.)